Today I have this strong feeling that I've been looking on things from the Wrong angle, seriously wrong.
I can't believe how confused I was for so long. I feel like I am getting closer to realizing what I have done wrong and how to act from now on, and this is hard( Old habits die hard, and such nasty habits those are! They f*ed up my life royally and I have to be the different person from this day. I've been thinking about it for 2 years now and considering it, but now I just have this nauseating kick in my gut that I just have to do it!!!I can't go on the way I did letting somebody else take care of things, while I sit in the corner and pretend to be different but in fact never stop seeing things in my own Wrong perspective, blaming people, calling myself a victim...
I know it doesn't make sense for anybody but me, but it's dead simple and dead difficult at the same time.
Be different, be better, leave some bad stuff behind. Who am I kidding, all of the bad stuff behind ! Living the way I did - It was easier and somehow sadder, it never gave me satisfaction or any nice feeling at all, it got me lonely, vain and depressed, and it made me closed in a shell so deep no one could get through. I just had this mediocre life with no particular partiality or attachment, not giving, but hey letting the ugly attitude live a full life and hurt people around me, the closest especially. Having hopes which made me arrogant, and aggravated - I got mad for not having everything my way. Silly girl, it's time to change, cause I don't have so much time left. This road isn't covered with rose petals, but it doesn't change the fact that this is the only road to follow.
I have to be persistent and never look back, never. There was nothing right in the past - just mistakes, some necessary but IT'S no longer possible to make them over and over again. It is becoming your character. I hope I can do it, and not quit feeling weak and sorry for myself, we're brave enough to be rude, and proud and even justify ourselves by calling it Strength and Candidness. No longer working for me. The girl gotta do, what the girl gotta do in all the circumstances that surround me, no support from people, painful and scary like a toddler learning to walk , in my case again. Learning is a proper word here, but the fact that I'm learning now and not from the early age is not an accuse, I am grateful that I get it now. Better late than never. Maybe there is still time to get back on track and do things the way I should. Can't replay the time, can't turn it back and change some actions but can surely start doing them now.
It is a bit messy but I guess you guys feel it too, or felt that at some point of your life...xoxo A.
I can't believe how confused I was for so long. I feel like I am getting closer to realizing what I have done wrong and how to act from now on, and this is hard( Old habits die hard, and such nasty habits those are! They f*ed up my life royally and I have to be the different person from this day. I've been thinking about it for 2 years now and considering it, but now I just have this nauseating kick in my gut that I just have to do it!!!I can't go on the way I did letting somebody else take care of things, while I sit in the corner and pretend to be different but in fact never stop seeing things in my own Wrong perspective, blaming people, calling myself a victim...
I know it doesn't make sense for anybody but me, but it's dead simple and dead difficult at the same time.
Be different, be better, leave some bad stuff behind. Who am I kidding, all of the bad stuff behind ! Living the way I did - It was easier and somehow sadder, it never gave me satisfaction or any nice feeling at all, it got me lonely, vain and depressed, and it made me closed in a shell so deep no one could get through. I just had this mediocre life with no particular partiality or attachment, not giving, but hey letting the ugly attitude live a full life and hurt people around me, the closest especially. Having hopes which made me arrogant, and aggravated - I got mad for not having everything my way. Silly girl, it's time to change, cause I don't have so much time left. This road isn't covered with rose petals, but it doesn't change the fact that this is the only road to follow.
I have to be persistent and never look back, never. There was nothing right in the past - just mistakes, some necessary but IT'S no longer possible to make them over and over again. It is becoming your character. I hope I can do it, and not quit feeling weak and sorry for myself, we're brave enough to be rude, and proud and even justify ourselves by calling it Strength and Candidness. No longer working for me. The girl gotta do, what the girl gotta do in all the circumstances that surround me, no support from people, painful and scary like a toddler learning to walk , in my case again. Learning is a proper word here, but the fact that I'm learning now and not from the early age is not an accuse, I am grateful that I get it now. Better late than never. Maybe there is still time to get back on track and do things the way I should. Can't replay the time, can't turn it back and change some actions but can surely start doing them now.
It is a bit messy but I guess you guys feel it too, or felt that at some point of your life...xoxo A.
you're such a talented writer. so had fun reading through your posts, and i love the photos! great new blog, and i am your newest follower and hope to stay connected. cheers, from usa!
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